Living from your true self book excerpt
Chapter 1 COURAGE
Life will always feel painful when you are going against yourself and what you truly desire. This is due to the mis-alignment a person has to their true identity. You may have caught glimpses of when you choose to do something that you do not truly wish to do. This is understandable, although, no longer needs to be this way. Whether that is a relationship that you may have dived into that you haven’t been honest with yourself about or continually saying yes when you mean no. As an example, some may start to realize that they may have been clinging onto another person to fulfil their needs that never get fully met by another. Or did a relationship begin when in a vulnerable position and realizing now that it is not working and that it does not sit well with inner alignment. Any situation such as these, are when you may not have been honest with yourself due to fear of change or as simple as being unaware of choices. There are so many areas and situations that people can be placed in, that go against what they truly know, but have not wished to see before. It is important and relevant to glimpse the situation in life that feels painful to you and glimpse that raw truth to gauge the bigger picture. This is not necessarily making choices to change anything, rather just becoming conscious to understand yourself first. Maybe you can see how deeply you are mistreated at work and your beginning to truly question why you chose to be there in the first place or you may be viewing family relationships that are continually bringing you down. You may have wished to find the strength to set clear boundaries and guidelines as to what you will and won’t put up with any longer.
Whatever it is for you, there is a way for you to use your compassion to understand what you did not see before, no longer judging this part of your choosing, but rather moving forward with understanding this part of yourself further. Once again, there is no immediate need, unless you feel it, to change anything or correct the parts of your life that do not align with you. In fact, this may be overwhelming and rather daunting task to undertake and it is not what I am referring to here. Rather, the most important, truly transforming part, is your honesty with yourself and what you may have tried to ignore before. Most commonly, the actions required to redirect your life will take effect naturally as you build the strength within you. When you attempt to just change the external factors of your life without the complete honesty within first, you will not find the internal peace. This comes as you continue on further to build your trust with yourself and naturally shape your destiny. This is where the true power lays within you to feel your truth and acknowledge it to further explore the inner workings of you.
There may be times during this process that you may feel a little anxious or even hesitant to take a further look at your truth and this is understandable and completely common. Discovering and uncovering of what was once suppressed from your abilities to see, comes as a surprised realization of the impact of your choices and the direction your life has taken shape. With consistency, courage and now a devotion you have to your truth, you can begin to release, heal and naturally align with your life from a whole other level of awareness of yourself.
There are many times when you may have gotten caught up in trying to be honest with yourself by projecting a stronger stance with others and this has left you feeling greater anguish. Many have been led to believe that it takes a fiery person to show authenticity towards others. This is not uncommon and is understandable, given the level of emotional turbulence that relationships can impact on your sense of self-worth and value in a conditioned society that has been left without compassion, in a general sense or even with limited respect for individuals. Maybe you have been advised by friends or other writings, to stand up for yourself and take back your power by asserting a sense of domination over others and this is never the way that will bring you the inner peace you seek. In fact, if you have already tried this, you will know that you never felt good in attempting to justify your actions to others and have not felt any satisfaction in taking that action. This is due to the effect of not having the stability of support within yourself firstly, to shape your life from a peaceful assertion rather than from an unstable position of being more inclined to show others how strong you are, without firstly building it inside of you. After that, you may come in peace and take the forward action from a solid base within you and you will truly realize the alignment that comes with this deeper understanding and focal point..
Authenticity is a truth about you that you find in your intimate journey that you have with yourself and only you can know how this feels for you as you sense the presence of your honesty within you. It is not for you to justify to others of your actions that you are taking towards leading your life in authenticity. It can come as a quiet, silent inner journey that you keep witnessing your truth and slowly start to replay your life out in the way you truly wish. Often times, many may wish to share with others of what they are finding in themselves and in doing so, they find that in the sharing they are also looking for acceptance or approval in some sense and this leads to dismissing your own power. This is a whole other area of discussing the concept of the conditioned belief of being accepted in society and feeling the need to give away all of your own sense of self-worth over to others. This is not required any longer and you may now choose to quietly contemplate your inner workings whilst transforming on every level at your own will. You may be pleasantly surprised as you build your support in honesty with yourself, that what you once required in approval from others you are finding naturally within yourself. This is the approval of yourself that you have been seeking from others and this is truly empowering to find the stability of this essence and the presence of the strength that you never before realized you had in you. Indirectly as you become more honest with yourself you naturally build this solid base from within that can subconsciously be reshaping many parts of your sense of self-worth, forgiveness and self-healing on a whole, complete level. But for now, it is to say that you are not expecting yourself to be instantly healed, or to be completely at peace within the first time you step out to confront what you have tried to hide from yourself. This takes conscious actioning to build that truth in you to grow and expand through your continual self-awareness. But I will share, that you may have those beautiful, ‘ah-ha’ moments of recognizing, hidden gems within and will feel incredible peace wash over you as you continue on. This is also when the power rises in you and you become more confident to direct yourself and this is the excitement to our existence that you are witnessing your abilities to transform.
It is through experiencing time and time again to naturally effect the healing ability as you align further with yourself. Just in allowance of the growth to rise and expand in your understanding do you naturally feel the sense of your truth blossom. There may come a time that the weight of your dishonesty with yourself is a heavier burden to carry than the fear of you being honest is. This is the time that life is showing you to choose to plunge deeper into the virtues of your heart that you carry, to allow yourself the nurture that of which you may have craved from others. As you may have heard, it is at times of greatest of challenges, when our knees hit the floor and we throw our hands up in complete despair, these are the times that we find the strength to face our darkest hours. Interestingly enough, a birth of another view can take shape from your hearts guidance as you feel totally lost in surrender, that, in fact you can then find yourself. The initial rock bottom experience is the fuel that can set your own heart on fire to blaze out towards full ignition of your inner guidance to take effect. Comforting yourself and holding yourself as no one ever has, is the support you crave for during the moment of complete despair. Crying is your sign of strength to allow the tears to flow, to release the flood gates and liberate the emotion, whatever emotion this is for you. Holding yourself tight as you cry out in despair is a blessing to your heart and builds further that blessed support system that you are creating inside of you. Recalling how it feels to have a good cry and the relief you feel take effect as you express this emotion, this is due to the cathartic experience of a human’s ability to reveal in order to heal. You do not need to understand this statement or ability, rather it is in experiencing the impact of this natural expression of emotions that you experience more inner peace as you free up the space where the once blocked emotions use to hide. Counting on yourself to provide this comfort, nurture and love, is not going to be conditioned or taken away from you, as this is you giving over to yourself that you can always offer to yourself anytime. You may nourish and support yourself anytime you feel drawn to allow your tears to flow.
Once you have the honesty within, you can take further courage along your path towards building trust with yourself that you know what you need and no one else is relied on to shape your sense of self-worth. You will become more empowered to wish to look further within all aspects of yourself, your beliefs and emotions. Travelling the inner world view of you, will be beckoning you to explore furthermore, as you have already witnessed the effects of what your honesty can do. Viewing more and more layers of emotions through past experiences that you may have been holding onto, becomes your mission to free up more space in understanding yourself as you keep going deeper within to keep aligning with your truth.
If you feel this ability start to kick in and you are compelled to keep exploring then know you are on the right track to lifting yourself higher in your self-knowledge and redirect your life from a much stronger stand point without a need to fight, just naturally coming from the peace you have inside towards your outer circumstances.
When you feel emotions rise to the surface as you confront what was once suppressed, you may feel the vulnerability come to the surface. Many times, when we are left in a vulnerable position, it can feel quite uncomfortable and make us want to retreat. This is common as to experience a torrent of emotional debris that may have been hidden from view for years, stirs thoughts, beliefs and a rawness that is rare in a society that has been conditioned to block and move on without completely feeling the emotion. Yes, it is uncomfortable to feel raw, sensitive and completely at the whim of the feeling, although in allowing the expression of the tears, anger or anything else you may be feeling, without it overwhelming you to the point that you feel you can no longer cope, is completely achievable and natural. It just has not been taught or learnt enough. This is in fact, the turning point you may need, to allow the surfacing and to let it feel raw, let it feel real, then choosing to console yourself rather than berate. This is often a common occurrence that has been taught, that to feel an emotion is not right or that you are different, broken or too sensitive. So, in teaching yourself through experiencing the healing effects of allowing emotions, you will be un-learning at the same time of the opposite of what you once may have believed. These two opposing forces become more highlighted as you unite this approach with any learnings within yourself and will be understood furtheron.
As human beings we have thoughts, emotions and our inner knowing. Emotions are relevant for the human experience and play a vital role to highlight to us of what is required to be expressed and further understood. In understanding of the relevance of emotions and the relationship they have with thoughts, you may begin to see that what you think and feel are further learnings to uncover in order to reveal. Revealing becomes easier as you allow consciously, the rise of the feeling to come up to the surface to be faced. The suppression creates blockages in the physical body and can impact on the functioning of your bodily system. This can lead to dis-ease and illnesses that present themselves. When you feel emotions, you are acknowledging their existence and no longer suppressing, therefore liberating it from the body too. In acknowledging, you too may begin clearing the presence of this blockage in order to flow freer in the space that is impacting the body. There are more writings available with relevance to the topic of the energy system and chakras of the body and certain blockages that may present themselves as specific emotions. Just to stay on this topic and not veer too greatly, is to realize the intricate weavings of the body/thought combination and the natural ability to allow the flow.
Once again, it is in experiencing the relationship between your own thoughts and the feelings that arise within you. This is where the power center within you can start to take shape and where you can make a conscious effort to understand yourself and why you may have any physical ailment.
In responding to this understanding, you may further more experience the natural healing state of your body towards allowing feelings to be felt, acknowledged and at the same time continuing on to be honest with yourself.
There is the inner critic, that is your mind self, you may or may not be aware of this part of yourself. Many are not. This expression can come from thoughts that create inner turmoil due to a lack of understanding or with not acknowledging this part of yourself. There is a purpose to the critic being present and this is not to be dismissed as it can lead you towards greater understanding of the discovery of what is instigating these thoughts. Furthermore, in gaining the understanding of the inner critic, we can be more aware of the impact of our actions, behaviors and towards our power to transform any misconceptions. When we dismiss the thoughts, and attempt to hide behind pretense and denial, we are not willing to face our truth. This dismissal is due to the emotions that arise at our response towards the thoughts, beliefs and concepts of past experiences and the lack of understanding of how to release these emotions.
Many cultures across the world follow a path of spirituality that attempts to dismiss the unexpressed part of themselves, being what is known as the ego self, and in doing so this can infuse a greater impact on the further suppression of what is not willing to be confronted. I mean, you hear statements being thrown around to others that are feeling sad, depressed or a sense of hopelessness and the phrase pops up endlessly of, “Get over it!” or “Move on or forget it!” Sometimes, this is not allowing the true expression to arise without it overwhelming you. And in many spirituality minded cultures, the impact of this lack of understanding is to treat the inner critic or ego self with contempt and to try to remove it all together. I have heard people say that they wish to kill their ego self or destroy it to use only their soul self. This is further lack of understanding of the relevance of this mind self aspect and the learning that can come from understanding this part in all its entirety, therefore, embracing all that you are, in full self-acceptance. This serves a purpose of at least being aware of the ego self, however, in not attempting to understand the relevance of the purpose of this aspect, is to shut it down and act as if it does not present itself. This can lead to further growth of the power of its presence to overwhelm you and drive your life. Every part of yourself is relevant to be understood, appreciated and accepted in order to integrate deeper self-knowledge and awareness.
There is a purpose as to why the mind aspect is present and that is for the human experience to relate to having a mind, body and a spirit to learn the entirety and connections to the awareness of all intricate parts of self. The inner critic shows us what is not yet understood, what is required to still be learnt, acknowledged and freed up within each individual to find the deeper meaning and conscious awareness.
In facing the inner critic, you may become aware of the relevance towards understanding of the workings within you and how each part correlates to the other. How emotions are weaved together through the thought system and the intricate relationship between the mind and body. This is the point that I am going to highlight, that is relevant for the human experience and to grow through lessons and learnings.
In acknowledging the existence of the mind aspect, you become ready to expose the emotional connection to the thought. In braving the depths of your mind, you will begin to understand the impact of growth through understanding yourself more than you could ever imagine. Surfacing your truth begins with releasing the emotional impact that your thoughts are having on your life and consume you with through, maybe not even being aware of this inner critic.
Maybe it will assist you to relate further with the simple term of the inner critic being the bully inside of your head. Some people are not aware of this happening on a moment to moment basis and that leads to taking action from the point of what is continually being said inside a persons’ mind. Until you hear this unexpressed part of the mind, you may not be able to move confidently forward in greater awareness of your deeper self hidden underneath the aspect of the inner critic. When stating ‘critic’, it can often be just that, criticizing others with thoughts, even when you may not be aware or comparing yourself to others, judging yourself and any words of negativity that are said to yourself. This needs to be seen and heard in order to move forward.
The truly transforming effects that can be experienced, is just by simply initiating your ability to listen to your mind, whilst not allowing your emotions in response to the thoughts overwhelm you too greatly. In doing this you are admitting this part of you exists and you become aware of the expression being relevant to your further understanding of yourself. Once the inner critic is ‘seen’, there may be a reprieve from the thoughts as you gain more clarity of the impact this may have had on your life. Maybe you can see that the person causing the sensation to run or retreat is in fact yourself. We can often times, wish to run away from thoughts and feelings that create havoc in our bodies, raising feelings of discomfort. Anxiety is a clear indication of the angst that can surface that can be felt as despair and the sensation to run. This is further relating to misalignment to your true self, which I will discuss in further detail in the coming chapters. But just to mention this briefly, is to state that the very fact that a person may be feeling conflict inside of themselves is due to the mind self not being fully understood. I realize it can be overwhelming just to become conscious as to having this part of yourself as the difficulties faced can be challenging to grow in acceptance. However, there is the greatest of benefit to acknowledging your thoughts, in the power of presentation of what once was hidden to come to the light, so to speak. This is the beginning of further revelations coming to the surface for you to become aware of the capabilities you have to transform yourself on every level.
Once you begin to allow the inner critic to present itself and you no longer attempt to dismiss your thoughts and way of thinking that have been playing out in you, you begin to build a sense of trust within yourself. Building trust then transforms to stripping back anything that does not serve you any longer. And this comes with a continual approach to develop this new way for you to honor your instincts. Often, you have lived by a focal point of dismissal of your true feelings for many years and this new way of revealing any hidden aspects of yourself is going to feel different. The discomfort in attempting anything new will make a person feel apprehensive but it is through the doorway of persistence do you build that deeper trust that you truly are capable of more than you have given yourself credit for before. Remembering now, that you have most likely, lived through these subconscious conditioning of ‘less than powerful’ thoughts of your own sense of directing your life. Taking care of yourself as you strip back layers of what you have been led to believe of any unworthiness is a challenge, but greatly rewarding. There is a barrier that will be loosened as you continue to persist and no longer resist the temptation of reverting back to old worn out patterns and ways of behaving that you are comfortable with. In the surrendering over, to focus on empowering yourself to take charge of your life, you are more inclined to move forward, try something new and remain true to yourself against any obstacles and this will in fact, come naturally.
Your inner strength will be increasing the more you listen within to your inner guidance and follow the calling of what your heart senses rather than be concerned too much with too many thoughts. The thoughts of what others will think and how they would do a certain task that you are choosing, can be overwhelming to your inner guidance and may have left you feeling confused before. You can overcome these thoughts and feelings through deeper understanding and I will be discussing this in depth later in the following chapters. However, now that you are bearing witness to thoughts and beginning to appreciate the once hidden aspects of yourself, you are at the same time, increasing your ability to reveal your inner essence more and more. Remember this for the next time that you feel unsure of your own power. Recall the times when you have achieved some growth in your understanding of yourself and take that moment to redirect your thoughts, to allow the past experience to be felt again. It is through you reminding yourself of what you have already achieved in your awareness, that you can lift yourself up to go forth and further grow your courage again and again.
In discussing further of the truly wonderful experiences that you can feel as you lead yourself in a completely new way with the wonder of a friendship you are finding with you, you will find your own freedom of expression. As you have learnt to redirect your thoughts back to past experiences of what you ‘have’ done for yourself and focus in on the good that you have achieved, you will begin to grow that inner courage. When you are learning to make peace with yourself and applaud the good intentions you have rather than allow the overwhelming thoughts to consume you, you are growing a stability of a relationship with yourself. Even when you do not feel as if you trust yourself as yet, you can be assured that you are building a momentum and a foundation of strength, if you are taking a more positive approach. Maybe you have never felt strong before and you don’t believe as yet, that you are in fact capable of following your inner guide. This is completely understandable and is a grave misunderstanding as to the power you hold inside of your abilities to transform all doubts. Keep going within to listen to your thoughts, acknowledging, sensing and revealing the gems inside of you.
Author of ‘Living from your True Self’